Lockdown in France Part 2

Moving on again

Three days had passed at our camper stop without issue, but there was always the chance we could have someone knocking on the door at any moment telling us to bugger off. What we really needed was some private land to cotch on. Rach found out about a database of French landowners who were offering lockdown refuge for motorhomes. We had a look and picked one out which we thought looked good and wasn’t too far away, then I emailed the owner, called Isabelle, in my bestest French. She quickly replied, in her meilleurest Anglaise, saying we were welcome and could head over the next day. Easy as you like.

While it had been fine where we were, we both agreed this was a good idea. My inner rebel may have been quietly stoked by the idea of a fresh disagreement with the police, but what we really needed was somewhere we could be where that was not a possibility. I also knew that where we currently were had a maximum stay of 5 days (a rule I hadn’t told Rach about) which made moving on make even more sense.

Isabelle’s

Isabelle’s was located about 15 miles to the east, on the outskirts of a little town called Cadenet, whose sand coloured buildings sat prettily in jumbled rows, up on a hill about half a mile away. When we arrived, we were greeted by a multi-coloured haired Isabelle and another motorhome dweller called Michele - a Frenchman who grew up in Belgium. He looked in his 60’s, with dark rimmed glasses, long grey hair and full grey beard. Later, we were joined by another motorhome which housed a young French couple called Nikolai and Lara, and their ferret, Furax.

The land was really picturesque; a little haven tucked away from the road, full of - and enclosed by - various types of tree, bush and plant, with buttercup filled lawns and a field which stretched on into the distance at the back. Isabelle’s place sat right next to her mum, Collette’s. We parked the van next to Collette’s front garden, which contained a large lawn, a number of trees and plants, chairs, tables and a half built pigeon house. The gardens and surrounding grounds are prowled daily by her white cat, Mirabelle, and in a more subdued way by her elderly, limping dog. Isabelle and Collette share a back garden, and have many talkative chickens which we go and feed whenever Isabelle is away for work, which is quite often. She lets us use her home for charging devices, showering and even cooking when she is away (we hand sanitize before and after), and occasionally delivers us freshly laid eggs or baked goods. God bless Isabelle and her mum. We couldn’t be more grateful for their hospitality.

Mirabelle

Sitting in the back of the van one evening, as the light was fading, it hit me how well we’d done with the conversion. It’s so homely and pleasant to be in, especially in low light with the lights on. We really did nail it. Mirabelle the cat has quickly become accustomed to it as her third home, popping over for a bowl of milk or cream a couple of times a day. On one morning, she arrived at the van with a very dirty behind. It looked and smelled as though she’d had diarrhea and shit all up her arse and side. It dawned on us that it was probably caused by all the cream we’ve been giving her. She lumped herself unflatteringly against the fridge and just sat there, with one leg cocked up, as though she’d intended to start cleaning herself but had given up before she’d even started. She was struggling to keep her eyes open; another telltale sign she’d been up all night ‘evacuating’. Mirabelle is what our cat, Monkey would’ve grown up to be.

Lockdown activities

In the time we’ve been here we’ve filled our days with wholesome activities and the evenings with Sex and The City. We’ve also been watching the slightly less depressing daily Coronavirus death updates, and enjoying the odd evening drinking and eating with the other motorhome guys. A bit naughty, perhaps, but we figured they’d only been where we’ve been, so fuck it.

The weather is mainly amazing. I got a major tan within a few days. I started joining Rach for her daily yoga practice but gave up after a few attempts, deciding instead to do daily push ups and sit ups. Rach helps me with my sit ups by holding my feet and offering a kiss at the top of each one, some of which I take her up on. I help her with her yoga by saying ‘’nice straight back’’ over and over again.

I’ve started doodling on the iPad after being inspired by David Hockney’s iPad stuff. Been doing at least one picture a day, mainly of the local scenery but also a few of the van. I use an app called Brushes Redux. Only problem is I don’t have a stylus pen, so I have to go at it with my finger. That’s what she said.

We’ve had the odd rainy day too, which I actually enjoy. Being surrounded by so much greenery, it gives a fresh, wet grass aroma - a classic camping smell.

Rach has been doing some live broadcasts from the van. She’s done a van tour, a quiz, some cook- and wash up-alongs, and a ‘preparing the bed’ show - literally no activity is too boring for her to work with. She’s a serious talent. She teams up with a live DJ for her performances; someone who goes by the name Gas Hob.

Isabelle’s chickens are funny characters. I’ve never been up so close to so many before. They really mouth off, especially when you first appear. They love pecking my ankles and toes and will eat anything. They are so like Rach it is uncanny.

We had a pink moon a week or so back, which lit the sky up all night as we sat with Michele, Nikolai and Lara and ate the curry I’d chopped the onions for. They are really nice people. Michele is a very interesting character. Quite eccentric. Rach told him he reminds her of my dad, then showed Michele a picture of him. He remarked on how similar I look. ‘’If I had a pound for every time I heard that, I’d be rich’’, I thought. And if I had a pound for every time I thought of the phrase ‘’if I had a pound for every time I heard that, I’d be rich’’ every time I heard that, I’d also be very well off.

Stocking up

Every week we drive to the supermarket five minutes away to stock up. Rach normally wears rubber gloves when we go, but I don’t. I decided I just wouldn’t touch any of the produce. Unfortunately I broke that rule within the first three minutes of the first shopping trip, when I touched a lightsaber in the kids section. We also have a Spar five minutes walk away, which comes in handy for bread and other essentials, like vodka, rum and gin, or for when we can't make it to the supermarket because of a dead battery due to Rach leaving the keys in the ignition after the previous journey. Apparently she didn't know.

We enjoy the walk to the Spar and back; there’s an incredible purple tree that we pass and also some vibrant red poppies which have recently started growing on a path just outside Isabelle’s. Also, on the way back the other day, amazingly, a helicopter flew right past us. It was so low, I couldn’t quite believe it. Then, somehow, it landed sideways on a nearby lamppost. As we walked up to take a closer look, we saw that it was actually a cricket. What I’m trying to get across here is the cricket's sheer size. It was massive. Do you understand? On the very same day, a vivid green dragonfly flew into the van and died on the dashboard. It just buzzed about frantically for a minute, then stopped suddenly, went stiff and sat there in perfect condition. I immediately got Brushes Redux out. Turns out it’s hard to depict a dragonfly’s wings without a stylus pen.

Birthday

We’ve been doing Facetime quizzes with my family, the first of which was on my birthday. They are always a laugh. Recently we switched to a Mastermind inspired format, where we all choose special subjects. My mum’s special subject is Coronation Street. My dad’s - Pre-Raphaelites Art. Why they ever split up I’ll never know.

My birthday came and went. I’ll never have another one like this, where I have no option but to sit around all day eating and drinking. Rach seemed to feel bad that we weren’t doing anything for it, but I couldn’t have been more content.

We really like it here, which is just as well. The lockdown has been extended indefinitely.