Lockdown in France Part 3 (by Rach)

I was pottering around the van (because I’m secretly 80 years old) when our neighbour Michel popped over and kind of waved at us. I thought, that’s a bit odd. Sean said “oh I think they’re starting the BBQ” I said “what BBQ?!” He said “oh the French have invited us to a BBQ.” You’d think living in a van together would remove all elements of surprise but apparently not.

The next day (a Saturday) we decided we’d better go and do a “big shop” you know the sort your mom does. Anyway we packed up the van, made sure no cups could jump to their deaths etc. It was a stunning day and I was looking forward to ramming the fridge full of cheese and wine. I sat down in the drivers seat and turned the key. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sean said, “did you leave the keys in the ignition?” I closed my eyes in sad resignation and sighed “yes” realising in that moment that there must have been a common knowledge lesson that I missed and that the whole world except me knows that leaving the key in the ignition will completely drain the battery.

Luckily during the build of our van I had taken the battery out multiple times so we whipped the sucker out and put it on charge. Then we walked to Spar and spent about £600 on a few things to get us through until Monday when the big shop would be open again. Then we had a row. It wouldn’t have been a real drama if we hadn’t.

Just to bring our moods down another peg, the following day it rained. Now I know I sound like a moaning git but rain is a nightmare when you’re stuck in lockdown in a van, you can’t have any doors open, you can’t sit outside... ok, you can but you’d look a right dick. Also mosquitoes suddenly start sneaking in. And they only pipe up once you’re in bed, nicely settled, enjoying your life and suddenly they start flying up to your face going EEEEEEeeeeeee!!!

On Monday the weather got back to beaming, the battery was back under the bonnet and we were heading for the bread and Brie. I fucking hate food shopping, trying to think about what I’ll want to eat in 3 days time is so boring. Just give me a baguette and leave me alone. I’ve always hated food shopping and living on a van means having to think of things to make that are:

• Healthy
• Tasty
• Not too messy (washing up is a pain!)
• Don’t need to be refrigerated (we have to turn the fridge off at night)
• Don’t take ages to cook (using minimal gas)
• Can be cooked in a frying pan

So it really is a treat. I’m being moany again aren’t I? Sorry.

The following day Michel left our lockdown compound to drive to his new job picking grapes for wine (a heroic job if you ask me) I was sad to see him go, he’s a very interesting person. We gave him a farewell card and he gave us a jar of homemade chocolate and banana jam which we haven’t tried yet - I’ll let you know how that one goes. I cleaned the chickens out for our host Isabelle as she was away, they had laid 7 eggs including a teeny tiny one with no yolk. Still, it’s the thought that counts I suppose.

As much as I’m looking forward to hitting the road again, we feel so at home here. Isabelle’s cat Mirabelle (though we call her Millebelle) pops in throughout the the day and screams at us until we put some milk in a bowl. Sean spends a lot of the day writing and I spend a lot of the day tidying and kind of shuffling up and down the van looking for things to fix. It’s nice, we’re very lucky.

A few days later I ended up in bed with a migraine (that’s a type of headache, in case you thought it was a French man with a funny name) I get them now and again and they really do my head in. Ha. My friend said the cause might be dairy which is a scary thought and a real possibility since my body is made up of about 67% cheese. I was delighted when I woke up from my head trauma to see Isabelle had dropped off some homemade pineapple cake - she is too good to us. We had it in the evening with cream. Shit, that’s more dairy.

P.S. that’s just made me think of an excellent joke...

My vegan friend said I should try giving up cheese. I thought, how dairy!

You are welcome.