Termoli, Corinaldo & San Marino
Vieste & Termoli
Our next two stops on the Italian east coast were Vieste and Termoli.In Vieste we had a big argument in a bar while drinking flat cokes. The place is far better than that makes it sound though.
Termoli was memorable for a couple of reasons. Firstly, they had Christmas lights up. In August. Secondly, it had the narrowest street in all of Italy, called A Rejecelle. Only 34 cm wide. It was strangely exciting squeezing ourselves up and down it. It was pretty exciting just writing that sentence. No idea how or why the street came to be. I quite like not knowing though, it adds to the mystique. Look it up yourself if you’re that bothered.
After Termoli we made our way further north, eventually stopping at a great little stop by the sea in Giulianova, not too far from Pescara. As soon as we arrived we got the new camping chairs out and sat at the back of the van to have lunch and watch the waves, as two old men from neighbouring campers hovered around in their Speedos. After half an hour strong winds arrived, forcing us inside. Smelly gits.
Sameer
We stayed at the stop for a few days. The weather wasn’t great, so apart from a stroll down the wet beach and a cappuccino at a local beach-cafe, we spent all our time on the van. All the time we’ve been on this trip, Rach has been getting calls from some weirdos claiming to want to get her a better deal on her ‘business electricity’, which is clearly absolute horseshite. On this particular week's call, one of the guys finally - fucking finally - agreed to take her number off their call list. He asked if he could message her personally via Whatsapp to confirm, to which she agreed. Bad mistake.He started calling her constantly, declaring his love for her and attempting, to quote him, ‘’to convince you to love me too’’. Rach went along with it for a while. I’m pretty confident she was just having a bit of fun, although obviously I can’t be 100% certain she wasn’t briefly considering jumping ship. In the end though, she told ‘Sameer’ it just wasn’t gonna happen. As a consolation, she gave him her best friend’s number, which was evil but genius. Within five minutes Sameer had messaged her. Incorrigible.
We’d bought some mosquito spirals to deal with the relentless little shits (the mosquitoes, not the cold-callers). You light the end, place them on the ground and the resulting fumes do the mozzys’ heads in (not quite what it says on the tin, but that’s the gist). They seem to work quite well. Pretty cheap as well. As an added bonus, they smell really nice. Sort of like incense. I know a lot of people don’t particularly like the smell of incense. Many people are physically repulsed by even the thought of it. I’ve never quite understood why. For me, the atmosphere of a room is always enhanced by some incense. I love incense.
You can obviously replace the word ‘incense’ above with the word ‘incest’ if you absolutely must. If that’s what you find ‘funny’. Pathetic.
Corinaldo
We left Giulianova and made our way to a place with free electricity, near a little town called Corinaldo, situated slightly inland about an hour north of Ancona. As we traveled, Rach suddenly turned to me and said ‘’one of my goals is to get out of Italy without having an accident’’. She was of course talking about an accident of the road, not the toilet, but both are constantly on the cards driving around Italy. As if by magic, this point was illustrated perfectly just moments later, when we nearly shat ourselves trying to join a busy motorway from yet another absurdly short feeder lane.The camper area in Corinaldo was a 10/10. Well maintained, leafy, spacious, and all the services were free. Plus, for what may be the first time ever, the water tap actually fitted our hose, which meant we could attach it and fill up without getting drenched like we normally do when we have to hold the hose in place under the tap. We were only supposed to stay at the camper stop for 48 hours (this is quite a common rule with these places), but we sneakily snuck in a sneaky extra night.
The little town of Corinaldo next door was amazing. Quirky, quiet, perched atop a hill and surrounded by 14th century stone walls, it was such a picturesque place. We sat at a nice outdoor bar in the village overlooking the distant fields and hills and had a couple of fizzy wines. Flat coke, fizzy wine... am I missing something?
We spent the next day taking advantage of the gratis electricity. Got to love a bit of free leccy. Mainlining it straight into my arse I was.
San Marino
The first time I ever heard of San Marino was in 1993, at the age of 9, when England had to beat them by nine goals (and hope Holland didn’t beat whoever they were playing) to qualify for the World Cup. San Marino scored inside ten seconds (and Holland won). Despite that one moment of glory though, San Marino have always been terrible at football. It's all I've ever really known the place for. At the time of our visit, out of 210 nations, only Anguilla lay beneath them in the FIFA world rankings. I wondered how long it would be until they were back in their rightful place, at the foot of the rankings.Clearly, one of the main reasons for it's total footballing ineptitude is it's size. Totally land-locked by Italy and only a twenty minute drive across, the country is tiny. Smaller than tiny. It’s population is one tenth that of Coventry (who are also shit at football). But what it lacks in size, it more than makes up for in sheer beauty. It’s like a little gem, lodged between the hills of north-east Italy.
We managed to find a great park up near the funicular which takes you up into the old town. It had amazing views and we had nearly as much fun at the park up as we did in the town, thanks to the family of warthogs that snuffled noisily past us on the second evening and the amazing display of fiery orange lightning in the distance on the third.
It was all about the old town though. We got the cable car up. I didn’t even realise the centre of San Marino was built on the top of a hill, but jeez - what an advantage that is. It means you’re never without a brilliant view of the surrounding landscape from pretty much wherever you are in the town.
We had a joyful day exploring San Marino’s ancient stone streets, full of beautiful little shops and bars, and walking across the fort-like walls which enclose the town and join up the various fairytale-esque turrets which rise up into the sky to be seen for miles around. The place was so magnificent, this San Marino segment could quite easily be moan-free. Let’s see how we go though.
There was an XTREME SPORTS event on at the time we were there and I have to say, the skateboarding and BMXing and very loud MC really complimented the medieval atmosphere. Another strange sight was the copper in his white military uniform, pootling around the wooded hills on a Segway. I’m pretty sure he was Five-0, although I suppose there’s a small chance he was just a mature XTREMEr.
We had a debacle at an eatery with an incredible panoramic view. They served us raw pizza. When we questioned it, we were told their pizzas were all frozen. Now, I really am no food snob - honestly, I love beans and chicken cakes - but-- frozen?! In a restaurant which had a location others would kill for, in a part of the world where even the ants expect a certain standard of pizza? Ridiculous. We sent the food back, finished our drinks and left.
Thank God we did leave though, because we ended up having one of the best meals of the whole trip at a little restaurant a bit further down the hill, called Ristorante Bolognese. We sat by a window and had a stunning view of the sunset as we ate. I'm sure Rach would describe it all as "very romantic". Suffice it to say it was better than the disagreement and flat cokes we'd had in Vieste. Things got even better post-meal, as we were treated to two free glass tumblers of unidentified liquor. We were smashed by the time we got back to the van.
At the time of writing this, I thought I'd have another look at the FIFA world rankings. Congratulations to Anguilla, who recently climbed one place to rank 209 in the world. But San Marino, it really doesn't matter. I now know you offer so much more than rubbish football.
Brilliant blog!! Sameer 😂😂
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