Molde, Geiranger & Jostedalsbreen

Molde

We arrived in Molde, stunned by the scenery. Snow-capped mountains lined the horizon beyond the large fjord which runs by the city.

The ferries across the fjords are very efficient. You just drive up, wait in line, drive on, then drive off at the other end. Actually when I say it like that, it sounds very much like any other ferry. The difference is, these fjord ferries come every 15-30 minutes, and you don't book them. A ticket guy just comes to your window after you've driven on and you pay. They're about 30 quid a crossing for a camper and two adults. Very reasonable - about the price of a Norwegian pint.

You can get out and sit in the ferry's lounge/canteen, or stand on the deck and watch the scenery. We did the latter. Looking down, we could see the van and how filthy the roof was. ''Ah the rain'll clean that'', I said. Again.

There was a Chinese restaurant next to where we'd parked on arrival in Molde. We didn't partake, which to this day I am utterly baffled by. We had a stroll around. As pleasant as the town is, it is completely overshadowed by the beauty of the mountainous landscape.

After exploring the town centre, we drove to a place high up in the mountains, overlooking Molde, the fjord, the ferries coming and going and, most impressively, the snow covered peaks opposite. It was truly breathtaking.

Two minutes after parking up, as we stood outside taking it all in, the van locked itself. It locked ITSELF. I mean, what the hell? It was getting dark fast, it was getting cold fast, we were miles up in the mountains and locked out. It was brown trousers time.

Just as I was about to put a rock through the window -  partly so that we could gain access, but mainly out of anger - the idea struck to pull, push and generally hit all the door handles. I was at the back doors. As I pushed, the van made a sound as if to unlock. The back door wouldn't open though. Rach frantically yanked at the sliding door in the hope that the sound was anything to do with that lock. But nothing. Still locked. I pushed the back door handle again, and again heard the unlocking sound. The handle wasn't actually moving when I was pushing. I was just sort of pushing the actual lock part of the edge of the handle as hard as I could. And for some reason, it was making the noise. On Rach's instruction, I kept pushing over and over again, while Rach kept yanking the sliding door handle, and eventually, miraculously, the sliding door opened.

For the second time in five minutes, I was deeply disappointed. Don't get me wrong, it was a major relief that we'd managed to get it open again, but I mean, a van that locks itself is bad. A van that UNLOCKS itself if you get a little bit physical with it? Shocking. I suppose I shouldn't be too harsh; it'd gotten us 7,000 miles around Europe with barely a hiccup to this point.

It did amuse us (afterwards) that right at a moment of extreme awe, came a moment of extreme panic. Life eh?

The following morning we had breakfast while looking at the epic view out of our back doors. We listened to Thom Yorke on Desert Island Discs, a show which insists on only playing the first 20 seconds of its guests' selections. POINTLESS.

Snowy scenes

We left to get another fjord ferry. The port was right next to the Chinese restuarant we didn't go to, which opened up old wounds. We were heading towards the Juvet Landscape Hotel, the setting of the film, Ex Machina. I'd found a place nearby on Park4Night, which looked great; situated in the mountains. As we approached the area, things starting looking very different to the images on the app. Everything just went white. Completely white. We'd driven into a snowy wonderland. We arrived at the spot and got out of the van (taking the keys with us this time), amazed. To be hit with so much snow so suddenly was quite incredible. It only seemed like yesterday that we were complaining it was too hot! And by 'we' I mean Rach. The snow was so densely packed, your feet didn't sink into it at all. I considered snowballing Rach but decided against it as it would've been like chucking lumps of concrete, and I don't hate her that much.

Juvet Landscape Hotel

We obviously couldn't stay up in the snow for the night, so we drove back down to a lower, less snowy altitude and stopped at a place even nearer to the Landscape Hotel. The next morning we went for a snoop around the place. I was pretty excited, as I love Ex Machina. The whole place was idyllic; clear streams, giant rocks and dense forest. The hotel is built into the landscape, and includes loads of tree-house rooms dotted throughout the forest, overlooking the water. We weren't sure if we were trespassing, but I thought bollocks to it, and scrambled up a little hill to sit in a wooden shelter which overlooks the whole area, which the two main characters sit in during a scene in the film. We then left, promising ourselves we'd go back and stay at the hotel in the future.

Geiranger

Next up was Geiranger, a tiny town situated on a fjord at the bottom of a huge valley surrounded by mountains. I won't mention mountains again. You can take it as read that wherever I'm describing in Norway, there is at least one mountain.

On the way down to Geiranger is a famous hairpin road descending the... mountain. I used engine breaking as much as I could, concerned the brakes would melt under the stress (they aren't in the best shape as it is). It was quite a challenge, but a great experience driving such a crazy road.

The town itself was very sleepy, it being the off-season. We had a look around a souvenir/clothes shop which also happened to be full of stuffed bears, big cats and moose. They don't give a fuck in Norway. We sat on a bench donated by an Englishman in honour of his Geirangerian(?) mother, in front of the town church at the top of a hill overlooking the entire valley.

The raw beauty of Norway is hard to overstate. It's just relentless, everywhere. Another day, another massive still lake to park up by, perfectly reflecting the snowy mountains and brilliant burning oranges and deep greens of the trees above. We are often able to park so close to the edges of the lakes that the views from our windows make it feel like we are in a boat rather than a van.

The road out of Geiranger was ridiculous. It just went up and up and up and eventually back into the snow. We passed through a couple of very long tunnels. There's so many of them over here. Each time we exited another we were hit by the blinding white of the snowy scenes outside, which was both awe-inspiring and irritating.

Dreams

Rach likes to tell me her dreams. The one she'd had the previous night was about sausages. What happened was, she found some Richmond sausages. That's it. To be fair, I was gripped.

After an afternoon of faffing around a town called Stryn trying to find an adapter for our mains cable and some gas canisters (which we inexplicably couldn't find), we ended up staying at an honesty campsite with no means of paying - no place to leave money, no number, no bank details. Perfect, thank you very much.

In the morning, I spent about an hour making boiled eggs and toast. It turned out to be quite a complicated process on the van. Rach had been dreaming again. This time it was a dream about some lad stealing the van, so Rach got her revenge by stealing his mum's cat statue. I'll be honest, I was still thinking about the sausage dream.

I floated the idea of staying another night at the free campsite, but Rach vetoed it, worried about bad karma. As much as I *think* that's complete bollocks, something in me secretly agreed.

Briksdal Glacier

The journey to Briksdal Glacier is definitely to be recommended. The first bit, the drive to the start of the hike, is stunning. The road runs along the edge of brilliant green lakes, beneath rocky cliffs and... well, the usual. Actually, a quick word on the roads here: they're great. So smooth. And the yellow road paint that they use somehow makes them so much more attractive.

We parked up at a campsite at the end of the road, in the middle of some unbelievable natural beauty. From here the hike to the Glacier began. The trail took you through Jostedalsbreen National Park. By this point it was pissing down with rain, but it was such a joy walking through the amazing scenery that it really didn't matter. Giant moss covered rocks, bustling rivers, streams trickling down the gullies they'd carved into the cliffs, little pools and marshes, glistening trees and colorful leaves. It was honestly like something out of that Narnia film. In celebration, I got topless, put Rach's scarf on and ran around like James McAvoy.

As we got closer to the Glacier it slowly began appearing out of the heavy mist in the distance, rising above everything in between us and it. It looked epic. When we finally got up close, we could see that the ice was a very light blue colour, almost identical to the colour of the foam we used for the seats in the van. It probably isn't quite as hard a material as our foam though.

Century

Rach's dream that night, she told me the next morning, was about being back with her previous boyfriend, who was also called Sean. Let's call him Sean 1 (it's only fair). They were in a Chinese restaurant and Sean 1 was questioning why vegetables had been placed on the table. I checked that she was absolutely certain it wasn't me. It certainly sounded like me.

We made our way to our next stop for the night. The lake to our left as we drove was so ridiculously still, I had to look twice for confirmation it was actually water and not some giant mirror that had been fitted to the floor. The stop was right off the main road, but you wouldn't have thought it looking out the back doors. A small path down an incline and under some trees led to a huge lake. To the left of the van and down the hill ran a shallow stream which joined the lake. As I stood taking in the view I heard a noise, and looked down to find a fish frantically plopping around in the stream. After a few seconds it finally managed to break through the rocks and escape into the freedom of the lake.

That evening we realised that this was our 100th day on the road. It's been quite a journey so far.

Recommended park up in Molde:

http://park4night.com/lieu/123242/