Pompeii, Cava de’ Tirreni & San Marco
Pompeii
Rach’s mum and sis left for Birmingham at silly o’clock (any time before 11am). Rach and I eventually left the hotel at bang on sensible o’clock (11).
We drove an hour to Pompeii and found a place to park the van for 24 hours for a tenner. A bit steep, but the ground was perfectly flat, it had toilets and it was situated about a three minute walk from all the old shit (my term).
We entered the archaeological site of Pompeii (their term). I downloaded the free app which gives you a fighting chance of making your way round the place without dying of thirst in an ancient crumbling whore house. I’m exaggerating of course. It was our second time at Pompeii; the first time we went we wung it. Or winged it, whichever is the correct past participle. It’s absolutely fine to wing it, but you can’t guarantee you’re gonna see all the best bits. The first time, we missed the famous fossilised bodies. This time we found them. Although, to be brutally honest, it was a bit of a let down. Just a line of them in a perspex box next to an olive tree field. There wasn’t even a dog one, which I’d been led to believe. Rubbish.
In all seriousness, the place is a marvel. Truly fascinating. Also, it's inspired us to want a courtyard in our next mansion.
Relegation battle
Having completed Pompeii for a second time, we made our way back south, to a free motorhome stop in Cava de’ Tirreni. All the way there I was following the football. Villa needed to at least equal Bournemouth’s result to stay up (avoid relegation (it’s a football term meaning drop into the lower division)). Which we managed. Just. Nailbiting as fuck, although I’m not as hopelessly spellbound by it all as I was when I was younger, when one bad game could put me in a deep depression for hours. I remember a time at Uni when Birmingham City got a late equaliser against us. The only thing I could think to do to avoid my unhappiness was to go back to the halls and go to sleep for the rest of the day - it was 2pm. Pathetic.
A religious thing
When we arrived at the motorhome stop there was some sort of religious ceremony going on. We were asked to leave and come back at 8pm. We parked up nearby and hung around for a few minutes to watch the thing - whatever it was. There was a crowd of people, sat about 2 metres apart, listening to a woman talk over a mic in a weird sort of drone. I couldn’t tell if that was just her voice, or if she was putting it on for God. We really couldn’t make head or tail of what was going on, so we abandoned proceedings and drove to the supermarket.
After stocking up, we drove back to the camperstop. Finally, the Christians had started to disperse, so we got in the area. It was nothing to shout about so I didn’t, I just kept quiet. But it was okay. There were three or four other campers there, including an English couple who went by the name @catchmeifyouvan._ (or Jenny and Billy for short). Lovely young chaps.
Trying to find a poo place
We had a walk into the local town to find somewhere I could do a number 1. Or is it number 2? I genuinely can’t remember. A shit, anyway. We arrived at a local bar where we bought a drink each as a sneaky disguise for our (my) true intentions. It backfired. The toilet had a plastic sliding shutter thing which didn’t lock, or even close properly, and no toilet roll. Now, I’ve done some poos in some extraordinary circumstances over the course of my 36 years, but this was a bridge too far. I aborted.
On the way back to the van we stopped off at a little pizzeria takeaway place. We didn’t expect much, but my word they were sublime pizzas. Also, they were lovely people. Really friendly. But what really blew our minds was when we came to pay. We wanted to pay by card but they didn’t have a card machine, so they let us have the food for free! They actually trusted us to come back with the money the next day. How amazing is that? I ended up doing a poo in a bag later that evening, by the way.
We went back the next day to pay, and ended up getting another two pizzas. They then gave us some free snacks! God bless ‘em. It’s great that they ended up getting more business than they would’ve if they’d made us find an ATM the previous evening, which they had every right to do, of course. Perhaps they’re lucky they were dealing with someone like Rach - one of the most honest and kind people in the world. I just want to be clear, I DO NOT include myself in that. I was ready to wheelspin the van out of there with our free pizzas that first night.
High rising terminal
We started watching Don’t Kill The Bride At First Sight Australia, or whatever it’s called, at Rach’s request. KILL ME LORD. Why the fuck do they all have to upspeak at the end of every single sentence? Like that? (Okay, it doesn’t work in type, but just play along.) It’s called ‘high rising terminal’ apparently. Seriously, I couldn’t hang around with a load of Aussies for more than three minutes if they all talked like that*. I wish they’d at least lengthen their sentences so that the raised inflection was less frequent. Ideally, an Aussie who spoke like that would only ever say one sentence; an endless stream of consciousness which expressed everything they will ever feel in one massive sentence, with just ONE rising inflection at the end.
*I actually don’t think they do. I spent three weeks in Australia years ago and many of them didn’t speak like that. I suspect it comes down to IQ as much as it does aussieness.
Litter in Italy
The next day we had a pair of sexy showers out the back of the van, then made our way to our next home for the night. It was in a place called San Marco. We found a free stop not too far from the town and the local beach. In the corner of the area we’d parked in were piles of garbage. An absolute dump to be honest. Italy is like this and it has shocked us. There’s so much litter everywhere. The famous places are fine and the old towns all seem to be looked after. But road sides and anywhere that isn’t precious to them is just covered in shit. It’s appalling. Still, this was a good enough stop for 36 hours, while we did a bit of work and visited the beach.
Beach Accesses
And what a beach. Amazing golden sand and warm, crystalline waters. Very easy access into the sea too, which is always a welcome bonus. Much better than those beaches with slimy, seaweedy, rocky terrains, which make you look like a nervous zombie as you attempt to get into the water.
The water was really clear and there were loads of fish knocking about, which made it the perfect time to break out the new snorkeling gear Rach’s mum had very generously treated us to in Capri.
Two pigs
Back at the van that evening, as we were dropping off, I heard a snuffling sound at the back of the van. We’d left the back doors open, which we love doing whenever we can, to combat the heat. I sat up and turned to look out the back. A massive black warthog was trotting about on the grassy field behind us, just a few feet from the back doors. It was clearly foraging for food in amongst all the litter. It was quite majestic... if you ignored the fucking litter. I woke Rach. She’d heard what she thought was a dog the evening before, but it must’ve actually been this old boy. I oinked at him and he oinked back, then trotted off into the darkness. A beautiful fleeting moment shared between two beautiful pigs.
Brilliant !!
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